Words, words, words

[la_marquise]

How, she asked parenthetically to writing, is it that I manage both to overwrite and to underwrite at the same time?
Frinstance: "Here, in their private place, he walked unveiled and unarmed, long plait swinging loose down his back, clad in light green tunic and trousers. Only the twisting line of braid at collar and cuffs marked his status. Corn ears and rice fronds, for bannerman. And, bordering them, the pale blue coil that marked air. Cadre, leader of two thousand, intimate of the Grass King, domained in air." Which is all very fancy, but makes no sense unless you know what I mean by banners and cadre and domainings. Which I haven't explained at this point. Bah, she muttered. Humbug, even. (That's Sujhien, btw, Mr Air-Powers-and-Angry.)

Skirt of the day: jeans, I was lazy this morning.

Comments

[glass-mountain.livejournal.com]

Well, I thought that was splendid. And...don't quote me...can't readers pick these things up as they go along? One of the hooks being learning what these things mean. They can make an educated guess, read on and then find out...

[http://users.livejournal.com/la_marquise_de_/]

Thank you. Nice editor wants a bit more clarity, though, and in this instance I think she's probably right.

[hrj.livejournal.com]

That's the sort of description that I call "forced pre-supposition". That is, you describe some detail that clearly requires a much larger and more elaborate structure ... but by not providing that structure, the reader has to create a virtual projection of it into which to fit the detail.

Alas, whether a reader loves or hates that type of description seems to be entirely arbitrary. I love it, but I've sometimes found myself having to explain those projected structures to other people who either don't like to (or can't) create them.

[http://users.livejournal.com/la_marquise_de_/]

It's the sort of thing that makes my writing group say 'Make sense, Kari', sadly. And sometimes my editor, too. I am not good at remembering that the reader doesn't know everything in my head.

[sartorias.livejournal.com]

Makes me want to read more, to find out!

[lil-shepherd.livejournal.com]

If you explain it later, if only by larger context, it's fine. Personally, I find the style a bit choppy, but have no problem with the content. I can guess at most of the context and am quite happy to do so. This is why I read SF and Fantasy, after all.

[jandersoncoats.livejournal.com]

I agree with the others who prefer less to more, and who are willing to read on to find out. A little context goes a long way.

[armb.livejournal.com]

I too think hints and allusions to things explained later can be better than explaining everything in full when it's first mentioned. (Yes, over-simplified false dilemma, I know, you can explain some more without resorting to crude infodumping of everything.)

But your editor has more context than we have here, and more presumably experience in these matters, so if you think she's probably right in this instance, fair enough.

[birdsedge.livejournal.com]

Hmm, my problem is overexplaining. I do wish I could underexplain as elegantly as that.