There's a lot to unpack. I'm reminded of the "lusted after her in my heart" confession of Jimmy Carter which in some belief systems is basically AS BAD AS actually consummating that lust, whereas I tend to think that one can have all sorts of thoughts but in the end it is what one does. But that's a little different than people who say "the right things" to look good; there's another level of disconnect there (for me, anyway) but I know what you mean.
no subject
I think in the end, respect is always the key!