My rules are a consequence of my upbringing and the way I'm wired. I don't tend to believe many other people are wired that way. The conflict is about my trained responses to be 'good' and my sense of the need to be just, if that makes sense. And I have a sharp tongue, and a quick one, sometimes, because I am very much my mother's daughter.
The marquis is more like you: he thinks and is often silent. I find it admirable, most of the time, because he still gets things done and makes his position clear. You are, I think, both more grown-up than me.
And yes on books. It ties together in my head because I am seeing so many books in which characters, to me at least, seem to have the emotional maturity of 14-year-olds, and in which individual success and satisfaction is presented as the only real goal. Which I find faintly sinister.