Another excellent week.

[la_marquise]

My humans are, as you will be aware, not the most reliable or responsible of their species, at least where my requirements are concerned. Recently, they went away for over a week, leaving me shut in the house with both those awful boy cats and no constant source of fuss. Nice Spare Human (Sue winolj) came by regularly to attend to me, but those pushy boys kept trying to pre-empt her and I could never make her stay long enough. This is not acceptable.
Then, when my humans finally deigned to reappear, they proceeded to cough and sneeze at me, which is not peaceful and not comfortable and not really allowed.
Fortunately, divine feline providence seems to have been looking out for me. On Monday, the marquise left me alone for some hours (Not Approved) then returned with Lovely Senior Human (the marquise is her kitten). LSH is very acceptable to me. She understand perfectly that I require a lap on demand, that I need regular fuss and that I cannot be expected to jump up by myself. (I can, you understand, but it's not dignified.) This was good. She was shortly supplemented by anna_wing, who smelt a bit of strange cats, but proved very well-trained when it came to my needs. Although Stupid Horus kept trying to push in and grab attention, and Ish Who I Do Not Like kept going outside in the rain and getting wet then coming in and expecting the humans to stop worshipping me to dry him. (He goes outside because he is Stupid.) Still, I managed to command most of the attention, as is my right.
On Wednesday, the marquise brought home a new human for me, a_d_medievalist. She is excellent. She knows just how to talk to me, how to understand my commands, and just where all the best places for scritches are. She is almost as good as desperance, except she didn't stay long enough. She even understood that I do not like to be picked up, except by SquirrelMonkey, who is Allowed because he is a Catlet of some kind and not fully trained yet. And ADM let me come and stand on her bed and disturb her, which is proper.
Unfortunately, my humans, who are Stupid, let all three of my new proper humans get away again, which is Bad and Wrong. But the marquis's dice-rolling people came and amused me with dice so that was okayish. And the marquis played with me and shouted at Horus, which was Excellent.
Today the marquis did that going to work thing that means he's not available to me which is bad and the marquise stayed in and let me sleep on her which is proper, but less fun than having lots of servants plus she is still doing the annoying coughing thing.
New servants may apply, but must understand that I have very high standards and that the boy cats are Not To Be Paid Attention To.
Mooncat.

Comments

[aberwyn.livejournal.com]

Poor Mooncat! How I sympathize. On Wednesday my humans went out twice. Twice in one day! And the H human keeps taking food out to the those awful feral cats who live in the back garden. I do wish he'd follow my orders about that.

Life is hard for our superior species.

-- Flavia

[http://users.livejournal.com/la_marquise_de_/]

That is appalling. I recommend shedding on them.

[saare-snowqueen.livejournal.com]

Tsk...tsk... I DON'T kow what this world is coming to. My human as well went away for four entire days with only Auntie Marge to come a feed me. I tried to explain to her that I NEED MY HUMAN, but she just rubbed my head and went home to her own cat, which is proper, I guess.

Let me tell you, when my Martha finally flounced in the door, late on Sunday night I gave her a good talking to, and bit her ankle a few times for good measure. Humans bah! If we didn't need them......

[desperance.livejournal.com]

Poor Moon! Neglected, abandoned, disregarded... Coughed at... This is a shocking tale fore and aft, even if it has compensations in the middle.

I myself am putting myself through a Lenten catlessness, in order the better to appreciate Moon (oh, all right, and a boy or two) when I return to my native shores...

[mevennen.livejournal.com]

i do no how u feel as i turn up at al hours of day and nite and humans R NOT THERE WITH TIN this is not gud and TIN SHULD BE THERE sid

[mevennen.livejournal.com]

*Actually I think Sid sounds more like the late Dennis Wheatley but he is a bit of a lad, and so....

[ms-cataclysm.livejournal.com]

Hello Moon,

I am Holly and I am much more orange than you.

My human is crap too. I left her a hairball on her pillow yesterday which I made all by myself and she didn't even say thank you.

You can come round if you like but don't bring boy cats because I don't like them.

Yours felidaciously

Holly

[jandersoncoats.livejournal.com]

Mooncat -

I admire your fortitude. The way you endure constant inconvenience is an example to us all.

While I am fortunate enough to be an Only Cat, and therefore have no cats (boy or otherwise) to distract my monkeys, you will be unsurprised to learn that my monkeys are (like yours) woefully Stupid. It makes me wonder how they ever get along without us.

It is my sincere hope that all your weeks in future are similarly Excellent, and your new servants will return forthwith.

Kind regards,

Mitzi
(who was given this supremely Undignified name by a Stupid monkey, but not the one she lives with now)

[queenoftheskies.livejournal.com]

Dear Mooncat,

My humans are well-trained even though I've only lived with them a short while. I have them trained well enough that the Queen(oftheskies) stayed up with me last night when I needed her and is all worn out today.

Sadly, I don't think I could let you have mine. My brothers and I don't want to have to train new ones.

Jasper

[muninnhuginn]

Little would send her sympathies on the awfulness of having boy cats in one's kingdom, but she's too busy staring evilly at the boy cat who has had the temerity to come downstairs: those daggers she's looking are very sharp and require a great deal of concentration to maintain.

[leita-love-bug.livejournal.com]

Dear Mooncat,

I am a boy cat, who only lives with another boy cat (who can be rather bothersome but I view him sort of as my own kitten so I tolerate a lot of his intolerable behaviors), and I have two very well trained humans at my full disposal. I am very lucky, as they never seem to go away anywhere except to this "work" place, but they go in shifts so I am almost never alone. I have trained them Very Well and they treat me like the King Cat that I am.

I am not much for laps, but I do love a good scritch, and my Mommy human had the good sense to find my other human and bring him home permanently. He gives the best scritches ever and he is my best backup Human. I'm sorry but I cannot loan him out to you.

My advice for keeping humans from running away is to make them think you are very interested in everything they do, and cannot possibly live without them if they go. They like to Feel Important. I follow mine around constantly and stare at them, no matter how mundane the current activity may be. Sometimes I attempt to join in, just so they do not become suspicious of all the watching. I especially enjoy mealtime as I have properly trained Mommy human to share her delectable nibbles with me. We are still working on portions, however. I only ever get a taste. She is getting fat, and I am only trying to help. I think we are getting a new kitten soon. I hope he or she is much nicer to me than Sebastian is. He has his moments, but is largely a pain.

I get to sleep in all the best spots, have lots of toys and I used to get lots of treats before the nice Doctor human told Mommy human that I needed to lose some weight. I think this is ridiculous, as I am perfectly gorgeous the way I am. If you have any advice on how to garner extra treats from my humans I would be ... hey!

...

Mooncat. My name is Sebastian, and I am the Supreme Overlord of this domicile. I apologize for Shadow's senseless blathering. I'm sure it was unbearable. He probably went on and on about the Stupid Human our Mom brought home. He is NOT properly trained and I did NOT give her the go-ahead to bring him here. I refuse to have anything to do with him and hiss and spit whenever he tries. Please, take him. I will give you all of Shadow's toys and treats if you like. The Stupid human is not without his uses. He does feed us when Mom is asleep or at work, and he does play well with Shadow, giving me time to run my kingdom in peace. Then again, Shadow will deign to interact with every human that comes into this house. I, on the other paw, have standards. I digress.

That you must share your domicile with not ONE stupid cat, but two, and that you have multiple humans in and out of your domicile bothering you constantly sounds, at least to me, intolerable. You need to tighten your iron grip and restore order to your kingdom. If this is the sort of thing you enjoy, then I once again implore you - please take the big dumb Human. He only gets in the way of my quality time with Mom. She has the best lap, and gives the best loves, and she is Properly Trained. I will keep Shadow, as he gives the best baths and reaches those places I cannot reach myself. Besides, I enjoy chasing him around and taking his things and establishing dominance whenever I get the chance.

My only complaint is that lately Mom's stomach has been getting larger, which makes it hard to sit in her lap the way I like, and she seems to be jabbing me with the sharp edges it sometimes produces. I think she needs to stop all the extra eating she has been doing, or at the very least share with me.

Shadow insists there is a new kitten coming, but I tell him this is impossible as I have not approved it. Mom keeps talking about Baby, and since that is my middle name, she is obviously talking about me. The entire spare bedroom is filling up nicely with things for me to play with. I will not share any of it with Shadow, even though most of it is pink and I do not enjoy that color. I will hide what I can from him and allow it to gather dust.

I must get back to running my kingdom. Mom is here today, as it is Caturday. This is a weekly special holiday that is devoted entirely to me, when I choose to celebrate it.

Sebastian

[stina-leicht.livejournal.com]

Dear Moon, I hope your human stops coughing and feeling bad very soon.

[a-d-medievalist.livejournal.com]

Dear Moon,

I am sorry I did not stay longer, but was very happy to meet you. I was even happy to meet the boys, but I do understand your feelings towards them! I promise to come back, and to make as much fuss over you as you like!