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It's spring. The days are getting longer.
I like the flowers. I don't mind the brightness, as long as it's cool and I don't have to be outside and stationary in it.
But... I am a winter person. I like cool and shadow. I don't like heat and strong light. I don't like the feel of the sun on my skin. And I don't feel like myself when it's bright and hot.
It's only going to get brighter and hotter from now on until September or so. All around me, people will talk about 'lovely weather' and 'glorious days', and say, "But you must like it really," if I demur. They'll make me sit outside in direct sunlight. They'll refuse to let me go inside or share the shade. (Yes, this happens.) I'm not allowed to ask for allowances because the heat makes me ill. (I get dizzy and faint.) And: I am not allowed to talk about this in my main online space. One of the summer people there has announced loudly and repeatedly that anyone who hates the heat is making a direct attack on her and her health and we are evil. Someone else declared that disliking heat and being made ill by it was racist, which makes no sense, because it's not something anyone has control of, but...
So here I am, falling down the well of my spring and summer SAD (which my ex-shrink told me didn't exist), wanting to curl up and hide forever, and feeling that it's not allowed because of other people's feelings.
I apologise for existing in my winter skin.
I like the flowers. I don't mind the brightness, as long as it's cool and I don't have to be outside and stationary in it.
But... I am a winter person. I like cool and shadow. I don't like heat and strong light. I don't like the feel of the sun on my skin. And I don't feel like myself when it's bright and hot.
It's only going to get brighter and hotter from now on until September or so. All around me, people will talk about 'lovely weather' and 'glorious days', and say, "But you must like it really," if I demur. They'll make me sit outside in direct sunlight. They'll refuse to let me go inside or share the shade. (Yes, this happens.) I'm not allowed to ask for allowances because the heat makes me ill. (I get dizzy and faint.) And: I am not allowed to talk about this in my main online space. One of the summer people there has announced loudly and repeatedly that anyone who hates the heat is making a direct attack on her and her health and we are evil. Someone else declared that disliking heat and being made ill by it was racist, which makes no sense, because it's not something anyone has control of, but...
So here I am, falling down the well of my spring and summer SAD (which my ex-shrink told me didn't exist), wanting to curl up and hide forever, and feeling that it's not allowed because of other people's feelings.
I apologise for existing in my winter skin.
